Tell All

On June 18th I announced on Facebook that I was having gastric sleeve surgery. I'd been hinting that something different was going on in my life through a few ambiguous posts about drinking protein shakes for a few days. Once I had gotten a few inquiries regarding what the hell was up, I decided it was a good time to spill the beans.

I've always been something of an open book. While I can certainly keep other people's entrusted secrets, I am absolutely flawed when it comes to containing information about myself. Even when I know it might be more advantageous to keep my big fat mouth shut. My thinking behind divulging this somewhat personal choice I was making was simple. My being fat was certainly public. I didn't see any reason why shedding it should be any different.

Although I knew that I didn't want to keep my surgery under wraps,  I did think long and hard about how I would want to present the information that I was having the procedure that would: a) put the emphasis on health, not aesthetics, and, b) did not invite the opinions of others. After all, I'd been preparing for this surgery since November of 2016. There wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that anyone could convince me to back out after all of the prep work I had done.

What I found after making my announcement was an outpouring of love and support from many friends and family members alike. Granted, a number of folks knew before my Facebook announcement anyway, but upon my "surgery outing" still sent me well wishes for a successful journey and encouragement to see this thing through to the end.

This is not to say that I was not met with opposition from some. Not on Facebook, mind you - but in my real face to face interactions with people close to me. I (surprisingly? not surprisingly?) had both friends and family members spew judgements and unsolicited suggestions at me like you wouldn't believe. I was told I had given up. I was told I needed to eat less, and exercise more (Wow - what a stupendously novel idea! I wish I had thought of that). I was told I could absolutely do it on my own (hmmm...not sure why I haven't been able to, though, for the last 25 - 30 years).

I thought I'd be prepared for the comments. I really did. But the truth is, I wasn't. They hurt and they made me feel bad about resorting to this extreme to regain my health.

Look, I get it. Opinions are like assholes. Everyone's got one. But when the opinions of some of those close to you are adamantly against the one thing you firmly believe in, it does something to the relationship you have with those individuals. I should mention that these comments were coming from some people who have no idea what a 100+ pound struggle is even like. It galls me to no end that someone who has never dealt with weight issues would even HAVE an opinion about how I go about losing mine. And yet....

But it didn't stop there. I also had people who DO have weight issues telling me I was crazy for doing it, or offering me the chance to try a different program that they had done and with which they were successful. I'll admit, the more frequently I fielded comments of this nature,  the less worried I became that my responses would insult the commenter themselves. After all, they obviously weren't worried about how their words were affecting me.

Perhaps most surprising of all were the people who came out of the woodwork - friends from my long ago past - that opened up and admitted privately to me that they had also had weight loss surgery. These are people that I am friends with on Facebook and marveled at how all of sudden,  they looked so fit and healthy - and thin. For the longest time, I coveted their willpower, wondering why the hell I couldn't get my shit together and do what they did, not knowing they too, decided enough was enough and chose surgery as a way to get their lives back on track.

The public versus private debate in the bariatric world is a big one. Some people really do not want anyone to know this is the path they have chosen. I understand that to a certain extent. As I said before, being fat is kind of a public issue. You can't hide it - it's out there for the world to see. Just like when you begin to lose weight. It's out there and people will notice, even if you don't draw attention to it. Questions will be asked. Answers will be expected. I simply knew I didn't have the wherewithal to make up something that satisfied inquiring minds about "how I did it."

Some have suggested replies such as "with hard work and dedication" or "I've been blessed." I suppose both of those would work but I also know that people aren't satisfied with answers like that (I know I wouldn't be - I want the real dirt!). They want details. The skinny, so to speak. So instead of being bombarded with inquiries later, I thought it best to get it out in the open. I had surgery to help me. Notice I said HELP. Not do it for me. This is by no means the easy way out. I know I have been given a tool only. Not a magic pill. Not a quick fix. Not a solution that won't require any further work on my part. It simply will help to allow me get to a place where I can feel good about myself again. Where I can be active and energetic and live life the way I have been denying myself living it for years.

Thankfully, even after all of the comments, both positive and not so positive,  I can say that there are no regrets in my decision to either have the surgery or be upfront about it. I fully understood I was opening myself up for both support and criticism, and thankfully there has been far more of the former than the latter. Support is EVERYTHING. And that applies to anything in life. I feel fortunate for those around me who just seem to "get it."