Friday, January 30, 2015

Success is Infectious

There is thinspiration all around me. And it's a wonderful thing.

In the past week or so I have had some really inspiring and motivating conversations with friends about weight loss. I have two co-workers, in particular, who are navigating the twisted paths of their own weight-loss journeys, who have served as major motivators for my own kick in the pants toward health. My recent chats with them about their struggles and successes make me feel less alone in what I am taking on, and what's more, make me believe that I CAN and WILL do this.

I've always been a lover of the weight loss success story, even when my own weight loss attempts were sunk at the bottom of the toilet. There is something so personal and triumphant about people's stories of losing weight and claiming back their lives that I can't help but root them on and feel joy when reading about them -  or even better, getting to speak to them about it in person. When I read or listen to someone else's story, I often hear and see my own self in their experiences. The indulgent lifestyle, the lack of exercise, the number of pounds needing to be lost being too overwhelming to even think about. It's the lament of so many overweight people. Our goal is all the same - to drop the weight. For good. Those of us in the Chub Club are not so unique that way.

Hearing about someone who has actually conquered their weight issues and slain their own personal Fat Beast is, to me, like reading a juicy novel.  Who did it? How did they do it? How long did it take? How much did they lose? What is life like now (being thin)? Will they keep it off? The list of questions goes on. I could read a thousand different weight loss stories and each one is as enthralling to me as the next. Call it living vicariously and all that...

The truth is, those stories always seem to light a spark in me. I used to think: If they can do it, why can't I? These days I'm trying a different approach to my thinking. Today I say: If they can do it, so can I.

I had a loss of 4.25 lbs this week. Only 95.75 to go. Yes, it's a big number. Yes, I hate it. But I own it. And it will become smaller as the weeks go on. Of that, I am sure.

This was certainly not an easy week, but it was easier than I initially thought it would be. As it turns out, eating healthy doesn't suck.

I can't thank enough those of you that are taking the time to read this blog and offer support. A support system means everything and while I may seem somewhat level-headed about this journey at the moment, rest assured there will be times I may need some or all of you to talk me off the ledge. Or at the very least, talk me into pulling my head out of the chip bag. So thanks in advance for that, and thank you for being invested enough to see me through to having a success story of my very own.

And to my two beautiful co-workers, if you are reading this, I know you know who you are. Keep on rocking it and know that I have your back, too!




Wednesday, January 28, 2015

The Power of Time

Why is it that every time I decide to go on a diet, life seems to suddenly go in slow motion? I can't believe it's only Wednesday and that I have only been doing this new clean diet plan for 4 days.
Have no fear - I'm not falling off the wagon! As a matter of fact, I feel really good and am proud of the changes I have been able to make in just 4 short days. But if I said that it has been super easy to flip this switch, I'd be lying.

Time seems to have slowed to a crawl. I am aware of each minute of the day and for the first time in a loooong time, I am trying to use this heightened sense of awareness to really listen to my body. For most of my life, I have eaten food with little to no regard of whether or not I was actually hungry. I only cared that I was putting something in my mouth that tasted delicious. I never thought much about nourishment. I never cared much about the nutrition (until after whatever it was was all gone and the gluttonous guilties set in). And I never respected myself enough to not treat my body like a waste dump for baked goods, candy, and calorie-rich foods in general. I always acted like I was entitled to eat anything I wanted, despite the number on the scale creeping ever higher with each passing year. I was aware of what was happening, and yet felt paralyzed to really do anything about it that would be a permanent solution. Don't get me wrong - I knew what to do. I just never did it. Not with 100% commitment anyway. I still don't know why.

This past year has been especially eye-opening in terms of my eating and weight gain. About a week ago, I was at my heaviest weight ever. Not surprising, considering I had been having a pretty torrid love affair with chips and dip for the better part of the fall and early winter. The holiday peanut brittle and cookies were culprits too, as was my favorite meal of all time - pizza. Don't forget those festive cocktails for every season. Oh, the cocktails...perhaps I love them just a tad too much. The thing is, I knew I was eating out of control, but there was a part of me that didn't want to stop. I stopped weighing myself back in late September and it was kind of like giving myself a free pass to go ape-shit. And then one day I realized that my underwear - yes - underwear - felt tighter. I kid you not. It makes you sit up and think, I'll tell you that much.

I kept thinking about what would happen if I kept up what I was doing. Would I one day wake up, try to get dressed for work only to find I no longer had any pants that fit? It was a fast-approaching scenario. Yes, I knew I could buy more pants, but buying a bigger size than what I currently wear is where I draw the line. No more. I knew I needed to turn myself around, and fast.

So, here I am. Day 4. I'm planning meals and making good choices. I know that preparation is going to be my best friend when it comes to being successful. Having healthy options on hand and keeping old standbys far, far away will be crucial. My plan is to get my eating under control before I begin my exercise regimen. In the past I have gone balls to the wall with eating and working out right out of the gate, only to find it overwhelming and ultimately, discouraging. Although I know being active is paramount to a healthy lifestyle, the food situation must be reigned in first. I'm giving myself a month to get it down. Then, I'll Zumba my ass off.

My official weigh in-days will be Fridays, although I am now being much more religious about hopping on the scale daily. I know body weight fluctuates from day to day (or even hour to hour) so I won't post weight loss until my official weigh in day...but suffice it to say I am happy so far with what the scale is doing! Here's to the rest of my life!

















Sunday, January 25, 2015

A Fresh Start

Oh, here we go again....

How many times have I sat in front of my computer to write about the subject of losing weight? In order to answer that question, I guess I'd have to revisit the 3 previous weight loss blogs I've authored and count the number of posts I've made on the topic.  

My first attempt at regular blogging started back in May 2009 with a blog entitled "Nice Day for a Weight Wedding" where I religiously made 102 posts documenting my pre-wedding and newlywed diet woes all throughout my engagement and 6 months post-wedding. Then came "Does This Blog Make My Butt Look Fat?" which ran from July 2011 to September 2012. The 103 posts written there chronicle my most successful attempt at weight loss in my adult life. I was in grad school, not working, and was hitting the gym with a trainer and serious about my health. And then I got a job. And life as I knew it changed - mostly for the good, unless that is, you're talking about my weight. What came next was the blog "Life Anew at 42" - the biggest bust of a weight loss blog if there ever was one. It launched the end of December 2013 and ran to the beginning of January 2015 with all of 6 posts to it's name - so I guess you know how well I did with weight loss last year, right? Oy vey!

So why another weight loss blog? Why bother spending the time to spill my guts about the trials and tribulations of shedding weight when seemingly, it does nothing to help? 

Here's the thing: It does help. Sometimes you just need a safe place to say what you want to say about what may easily be the most difficult thing I will ever have to do in my life, and I have found that in the blogosphere. And this time, I've invited people I care about to share this journey with me. In the past, I've not been very public about my attempts at dieting and my unhealthy relationship with food. Mainly that's because it's embarrassing to me. Sure, I've let some people in - but I've mostly hidden this struggle under the guise of a good angled head shot on Facebook. Can I get a "hell yeah" if you know what I'm talking about?

It's a well known fact that most full-figured people don't dig the full body shot. I know I don't. I don't avoid the camera entirely but I do try to keep any and all full body length documentation at bay when I can. Why? Because of stupid "tagging" on Facebook where anyone can have a craptastic fat picture of me and tag it for everyone and their mother to view.  And if people see that picture, that means my secret is out. But come on -  really? It's not a secret because people see me everyday live and up close and know what I look like. Hell - I see it myself when I stare in the mirror. Hiding those full body shots doesn't mean I'm not fat. The fat doesn't magically disappear if there are no pictures to prove its existence. It doesn't work that way, no matter how much I wish it did. The truth is, I avoid these pictures because if I present them to the world, I have to own them. I have to admit to more than just myself and my husband and those that I see everyday, I gotta whole lotta junk in my trunk that isn't pretty. Up until this point, this is what I've done - hide.  And where has that gotten me?

So today is a new beginning. A new start. A new declaration and a new blog to help me sort out the tough stuff that perhaps I can't verbalize out loud, but can type for my own therapeutic purposes. It might be a bit of a wimpy approach, but hey, baby steps. I do promise full honesty on here - so if you do decide to follow this, please know I will not be holding back. You'll get the good,  the bad and the ugly - so I hope I don't offend anyone.

Thanks for being a part of my journey. I need all of the support I can get if this is to be the last time I go down this path....and God willing, it is.