Thursday, January 4, 2018

Snow Day Summary...

Happy New Year...a few days late.

I know I always seem in incredible shock by how quickly time zooms by, and today is no different. I'm just a tad over 6 months out from my sleeve surgery and seriously cannot believe how fast I seem to have arrived at this moment. SIX months. Incredible.

This past holiday season was an eye opener/learning opportunity for me on many levels. For the first time in I'm not sure how many years, I felt both emotionally and physically ready to take on the holidays. While I have always been a voracious holiday girl, and love getting caught up in the spirit and celebrations of the season, I've struggled in the past decade or so especially, because I have not physically felt very good about myself. Although I may not have realized this at the time, I know know that the weight of my physical body heavily distorted both my view of the holidays and my ability to fully embrace the enjoyment of spending time with friends and family. I realize just how embarrassed I was of how I looked and the how much the physical burden of carrying around so many pounds zapped my energy to such a place that I couldn't do all that I wanted simply because I was too damn tired.

I don't know if others around me noticed a difference, but I definitely felt significant changes in myself this year that were not only physical in nature, but, maybe even more importantly,  emotionally so. I had Christmas fever long before even the Thanksgiving holiday was upon us. I felt alive and energetic and couldn't wait to submerge myself in the season. Even with all of the stress and  craziness at work, I looked forward to celebrating BIG this year. And maybe it is because for the first time in a long time, I felt like I had something to celebrate.

In six months I have lost just shy of 79 pounds (I was at 78.5 lbs lost 2 days ago and did not weigh myself today). Jan 2nd found me at 173.5 lbs. I don't ever remember weighing this little. It completely blows my mind, and I STILL have about 45 pounds to go. I can't even fathom the mind trip I'll be on once I reach goal.

Full disclosure: At times I am more than a little apprehensive about this process and sometimes have a gut-wrenching fear that I won't get to goal. I cannot imagine anything that would crush my soul more in relation to this journey. After all, I didn't get over half my stomach cut out in order to fail....and yet, I am scared that I will. As I mentioned this holiday season was a learning experience. I learned that I still crave (and run to in times of happiness or stress) sweets and foods that are no longer my business. I still enjoy my cocktails (like crazy!) and although I can and do drink far less, the love for my mixology talent has not waned at all. I have also learned that despite good intentions and promises to myself, I still have no natural inclination to exercise and motivation for doing so is next to nonexistent. It's probably my biggest regret where surgery is concerned. I did not turn my life around and commit myself to moving as I should have when I began this journey. The good news is, I know that it is NEVER too late.

I've never been good with self-care but if there were ever a good time to start doing it, it would be now. Exercise is an essential part of the next step in this journey. I see that my loss has significantly slowed down (inadequate liquid intake is also contributing to that I believe), and I need to amp up my game. It's time to move and make activity a regular part of my life. For almost 46 years I've been more or less a couch potato, but now that I have lost weight, I know that it will be easier to move. That in itself is good enough reason to get my ass off the sofa.

I have found solace, friendship, encouragement and motivation in the people on Bariatric Eating Support. I'm not sure what I would have done had I not been accepted into that group. The people who share their ups and own on their journeys,  and the administrators who tell it like it is and not only talk the talk but walk the walk are what make towing this path less frightening and definitely less lonely. For even all the love and support I receive from friends and family, only those that have walked in my shoes truly understand.

So here is to the new year ahead. I'm ready to make even more changes and continue building upon the successes I've achieved since June. May 2018 be the year to beat!