Namaste

Wow, it's been a heck of a long week. And it's not even Friday.

I know I was just kvetching about being home during all of those recent snow days, but I forgot how tiring a full week of school can be after being off for so long. As much as I love my job, this week I had a few trying moments that reaffirm that, contrary to some people's beliefs, teachers really DON'T make enough money for the job they do.

But this blog isn't about work. It's about weight loss - so I won't digress any further. I want to share a little bit about how my week is going in respect to my diet and my experience with stepping outside my comfort zone to partake in a yoga class. That's right...not yogurt class, but YOGA class.

First, let's talk diet. I'm surprised how different I feel this week versus last. There were moments last week where I was sure I was going to cave in, and cave in hard. The urge to dive mouth first into something sinful was constant and I had to fight off some pretty serious fat demons that taunted me mercilessly to go to the dark side. Raging PMS didn't help matters. Nor did this display I came across while shopping at Wegmans:

I'm pretty sure I heard angels singing in the background. Because if this isn't heaven, I don't know what is. 

Come on. Are you freaking serious? Can't a fat girl catch a break?

Anyway, when I was finished convulsing and drooling in front of this fattastic display (the smell wafting from those shelves was enough to send me into full on Pavlov's dogs mode), I knew I had limited time to finish my grocery shopping before I lost all sense of reasoning and took one of those bunnies home with me. And let's be honest. When I say take one home with me, what I mean is get as far as the parking lot before I rip the box open like a wild animal and bite the head off that damn thing.

Thankfully, I was able to steer my cart around the disaster area, only to find this waiting for me on the shelves in the next aisle:

Foodgasm Alert!!!! Foodgasm Alert!!!!

What the....? Does Wegman's suddenly have it out for me? It's like they knew I was coming and my defenses were down. Like way down. I've never seen those chips before in my life and God willing I never will again. Seven weeks ago, a bag of those sweet and salty suckers would have landed in my cart in a heartbeat. Maybe even two bags because I probably wouldn't have wanted to share just one measly zit-inducing bag with my husband. I'm not going to say I didn't want to buy them last week, but at least now I have the ability to rationally talk myself out of it. And that's progress. Can I get an Amen?

This week, eating in control has been much easier. My inner monologue was more about being positive about food choices I was making versus lamenting over food I think I need to deny myself. Recently, I've tried to think of food as simply a means to nourish my body versus the notion that it needs to be something gourmet, over the top tasty and fabulous every single day. Once I stopped thinking I had to have things I LOVED to eat everyday, food lost a little bit of its power over me. That feels good - I'm not gonna lie.

Another NSV (non-scale victory) came in the way of a yoga class I attended last evening with a good friend from my past life in the fashion biz. I completed one hour of vinyasa flow yoga - my first ever experience with this type of exercise. When your body throbs from your shoulders to your butt-cheeks to your inner thighs, perhaps you've done something right, no? Admittedly, I modified some of the poses quite a bit but it felt great to finally bite the bullet and trying something new.

I've never liked exercising with others because I've always thought I look stupid. Maybe it's my advancing age, but I'm really starting to change my viewpoint on that quite a bit. I'm much less, "Don't look at me!" and more, "Oh, who the hell cares?" I tried my best to follow the instructor and my friend Margaret who has been doing yoga for years. I know I wasn't graceful by any stretch of the imagination. What I did was concentrate on my breathing and revel in the fact that I was doing something good for myself. Maybe I did look stupid, but last night, I didn't care. And that, too, felt amazing.

Slowly but surely I am addressing my issues. Issues that have held me back and held me down for a very long time. These are small, maybe even minuscule steps I am taking - but with each one I feel the burden of this weight leaving me. Literally and figuratively.

Yoga will become a part of my routine, as will other forms of exercise I've been too shy or embarrassed to try up until now. Saying no to temptation, even when it's as large as a grocery store kiosk, will also become a part of my routine. I never realized that for so long, I was saying yes to all of the wrong things and no to all of the right things. It's nice to have a little clarity for once.

Weigh in day is tomorrow. I'm hoping for a loss - but with Aunt Flo hanging around, I know that whatever shall be, shall be.

Either way, I'm prepared.