I know it's been a while since I've blogged - and of course there's very good reason for that. For the past 2 months, I've been eyeball deep in end of year school stuff. The last marking period, while being the most beloved of all the marking periods, is also one of the craziest. There's so much wrap up to do at the end of the year, it seems like it will never get done. Somehow it always does - except for getting my room packed up and organized, but I suppose that's what the week after the last week of school is for.
In the midst of all the hustle and bustle surrounding the end of school, I've been submerged in planning for my surgery which is (holy freaking shit) 10 days away. I'm officially on Day 4 of my pre-op diet which, based on what I have been reading from other bariatric patients on FB, is a dream compared to what some others have had to do pre-op. Thankfully I am not restricted to liquids only. That small meal at the end of the day is probably the saving grace that is keeping me from jumping off the ledge. I just keep telling myself to keep my eye on the prize. And although I have had those motivational thoughts when dieting in the past, this time I know the prize will actually come to fruition.
Yesterday I survived our annual family picnic which is pretty much the food orgy of the year. I almost didn't go because I wasn't sure that my willpower was fully developed but I bit the bullet and decided what the hell? I figured I could always leave if I felt myself waning. Surprisingly, I made it through with out much ado. I did come prepared with a protein shake, protein bar and lots and lots of water. I'm not going to say it was easy, but it wasn't exactly as difficult as I thought it would be either. Interestingly enough, my trip to Costco and Wegmans this morning proved to have far more temptation than even the picnic goodies. I guess the more days I go without eating my typical fare, the more I will want it. I think it's safe to to say I've had to file divorce from eating as I once knew it.
Protein shakes are my new infatuation. What a turn around.
I'll admit I've been having a few moments here and there when I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. But then I think about my future and ask myself what it is that I really want out of this thing. I want to feel better. I want to look better. I want a life that's active, not couch potato-esque. I'm guaranteed these things with the surgery, but not without serious change to both mind and actions. This will not be an easy journey, by any means. No matter what the uninformed masses say.
In the meantime, I'll just keep plugging through until surgery day. I'm hoping to get a few days in at the beach to help relax me and put me in the right state of mind as I prepare to turn the page on this new chapter. It'll be another test but one I am sure I can pass. I can do anything knowing I'm on path to a better me. It will be so worth it!
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