Tales From The Scale

And maybe lose an ass cheek or two while you're at it.

The closer we get to the end of the school year, the faster time whizzes by. We're nearing the middle of April already which seems next to impossible, considering it felt like Christmas was just a few weeks ago. Admittedly that could have something to do with the fact that some of our Christmas decorations hung around just a tad, a-hem, longer than they should have. What I mean is, we may or may not still have a rather large pre-lit pinecone tree hanging out on our credenza in the dining room. And we may or may not also have some lights hanging from our trees outside.

Just don't pop over unannounced until, say about, June 17- ok? I may (or may not) have my shit together by then.

This past week was a little stressful. My hubs was out of town, report cards are due this Monday, and I've been experiencing a tremendous amount of anxiety when I eat because of - well... you know the sob story. Fact: When Josh travels, I don't eat well. I tend to fall back into my single-days mindset when cereal and any and all varieties of alcohol were perfectly acceptable dinnertime meals. I'll admit to having both types of those "dinners" that dominated my 20's and 30's while Josh was away. Corn Chex for dinner on Tuesday and a hot toddy on Wednesday. I don't recall what I ate on Thursday night, but suffice it to say it wasn't anything gracing the pages of Bon Appetite.

Um - now that I think about it, I do remember. It was a blackberry margarita. And some pretzels and a cheese stick. Ina Garten would not be impressed.

Here's a sad story. Veggies and I pretty much parted ways this past week. As a matter of fact, if clean eating is the equivalent of a G-rated movie, I was pretty much gobbling up triple-X porn this week. That's not to say I scarfed down Burger King and cheesesteaks and chocolate cake and butter sandwiches, for God's sake. But for a girl who has been trying to avoid excessive carbs for the last 10 weeks, I did a total 180 and ate those suckers like it was my job. Bagels, bread, cereal, rice....you name it, I ate it. That's become "bad-eating" for me these days.

Ironically enough, carbs are the one thing that don't send me into heinous gallbladder attack mode. Or at least this is what I thought until yesterday when I had my second attack in two days and had really only had carbs and nary a trace of fat all day. Frankly, I'm done guessing what will cause the pain - I just want the damn good-for-nothing organ out of my body. Even though this whole issue has made me really adjust my eating (mostly for the better), I am tired of not knowing what is going to happen each and every time I put something in my mouth.

I don't know if you guys are sick of reading about this problem, but I sure am sick of writing about it.

So...in addition to living in Carbtown this week, I didn't do much in the way of exercise either. Not even yoga, which always makes me feel a tad bit guilty. Simply put, I just didn't feel great this week so I skipped it. You don't need to tell me. As far as weight loss role models go, I know I kind of suck right now.

Is it any wonder the scale didn't budge? Nope. Not really. You don't load your body up with enough carbs to get you through a marathon and expect your scale to reward you. It doesn't work that way, and I am fully aware of that. As a matter of fact, I was floored I didn't see a gain. Not to jinx myself, but in the 11 weeks I've been working at this new lifestyle gig, I haven't had a gain at all. I've had exactly two weeks where the scale didn't move, and that's nothing short of amazing. This whole process feels slow as hell, but for the first time in all of the attempts I've made at this weight-loss thing, I don't feel like it is impossible. I've sort of resolved myself to be one of those people that takes the long and winding back country roads to their goal weight, versus hitting the Autobahn.

There is something that has been weighing on my mind, however. Even though I complain a whole lot about this gallbladder issue, I do realize that it is a major reason why I have been so much better about my eating than I was in the past. There is a small part of me that is afraid that if I do end up having surgery to get it out, and I start to feel better, I will somehow forget the benefits I have seen with this new way of eating. Without having that fear of food causing me pain to stop my inclination to eat poorly, will I be foolishly tempted to revert back to my old ways? It's a frightening prospect, but a serious question I need to ask myself.

I'd like to think I'm smarter than that. I'm close to losing 20 pounds and that is a great start. But I want more. I've made some decent changes to my diet and I am happy about that. But I still have miles to go to get to a true place of comfortability with it all. Exercise has not become the BFF that I wanted it to be at this stage in the game. While I love the fact that I have found yoga, I need to do more. The only way that is going to happen is if I make it a priority. At some point, the changes to my diet won't be enough. I'll need to attack this thing with everything I've got - mentally and physically.

Now that Josh is back home and report cards have been put to bed, I feel better about the week ahead. I'm going to make sure veggies make a come back this week, as well as bid adieu to a few of those carbs I've gotten a bit too chummy with. I am eager to see how my meeting unfolds with the surgeon on Wednesday. Then it's lights out for my upper GI on Friday. It should be a week for resolutions, or at least a few answers as to what happens next.

Stay tuned!